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After I read through the last post, I realized just how much of an excuse maker I’ve become.  I haven’t embraced myself, faults and all; it is always someone  or something else’s fault.  Why haven’t I gone forward in my career?  Clearly, it’s the corporate mindset and its inanity of the day-to-day.  Why haven’t I felt as healthy as I possibly can?  I can’t afford to attend the yoga classes or the expensive grocery lists (eating healthy is hard, guys!) or the outdoors affects me in such a way I can’t do it (allergies, am I right?).

I’d like to accept what my life is and to know what I want out of it.  I’d like to be more patient and to move forward with that presence of mind that there will be a glorious result for me.  I’d like to understand who I am completely and be plugged into that journey in all of its surprises.

I take two steps and pause, not to reflect, but to look around and see that I’ve only gone two steps.  That’s it?  That’s all there is right now?  But, I’ve done so much by now.  Why does it take this long?  Because when you’ve been treading water your whole entire life you expect to shoot forward like a jet ski; to zoom past the failures, annoyances and setbacks once and for all.  Except, I’ve lost exactly how to look around and see that it’s pretty damn good from here and it will only get better.

Can you celebrate life even in the midst of a crisis?  Can you stop whining for a moment about everything that is supposedly unfair and realize your awareness is a gift?

I looked around and found this to hold on to:

If we can live life consciously and authentically—understanding that things do not happen to us, but rather for us—we can use everything that comes in to our as experience to our benefit. We can locate all the barriers that keep us from beauty, love, abundance, intimacy, joy, and good health.–Erin Lanahan/tiny buddha

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